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, by Leonard Sax
Download Ebook , by Leonard Sax
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Product details
File Size: 1332 KB
Print Length: 292 pages
Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0465072100
Publisher: Basic Books; Reprint edition (June 28, 2016)
Publication Date: June 28, 2016
Sold by: Hachette Book Group
Language: English
ASIN: B01BZ7XJ90
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A lot of the factors mentioned in this book are common knowledge now, but it's helpful to read this book and look at all the evidence. Dr. Sax includes several examples in his book from his patients, all which are helpful. I wish that I could've read Chapter 6: Failure to Launch, when I was a girl adrift back in high school. As I went on to college, I did meet several students (boys and girls) who would've been more suited in the trades than in college, trying to find something meaningful to do with their lives. I know too many people--myself included--who've completed graduate school only to work as a barista or in sales, drifting along because they know they should be doing something important, but they don't know what.The video game chapter seems self-evident now, but my guess is that it's just the tip of the iceberg. Once VR headsets become more mainstream, I think we all (boys, girls, adults established in their careers) will be kissing our motivation good-bye. It'll be hard living in the real world when a multi-sensory virtual world is so appealing. It's hard even now for some people to disengage with their smartphones. I know that I took several more days to finish this book because I was wasting too much time on Facebook in the evenings.Since I enjoyed and learn so much from this book, I'll be looking forward to reading other books by this author. My kid is 2 now; I'll update my review in 20 years to let you know if the advice in the book worked.
My son is in college now but it took (takes sometimes) quite a bit of pushing and motivation to get him there. I always wondered why he was not more excited about his future. My husband and are both educated and work really hard and in my mind this should have just rubbed off on our son. He has always seen us work, clean up after ourselves, keep our home organized, take care of our things etc. We have always included him in these things and all of the fun things we do because we can afford to. I just thought he would see this and understand this as he matured and he would want the same or even better. I was completely wrong . This child who was taught to help in the kitchen, clean his room and bathroom, and at a certain age do his own laundry seem to have lost all will to even move. Hygiene was out the door, studying became torture, he lumbered to do tasks assigned and then barely did them. His interest was video games and surfing the web. This book answered quite a few questions for me. I only wish I would have read this book when he was in high school. During high school his interest in studying and being good at academics just took a dive. He just did not care. My husband and I tried everything we knew how to try to keep him going. Not everything in this book applied to us but quite a bit of it did. As with anything you read you must use your judgment. I discussed this book with my son and even bought him a copy for his iPad because at his age I cannot force him to do anything but I can share knowledge so he can understand why he feels the way he does some times. The part about video games and other internet interaction really hit home with me. The part about going out and getting hands on experience really hit home with me also. I bought this book for my sister who has a 9 year old son. My hope is that this book will help her keep my nephew motivated.
I've been thinking of getting this book for a while and I finally decided to give it a shot. I had heard about Sax before, but I am now completely blown away by the content of this book. The wording is strong. Leonard Sax is not just a psychologist, but a preacher. As he mentioned, "Boys need to meet a man to become a man" and I feel that Leonard Sax is a real man for having written this book in the way he did. I think anyone could benefit from this book, not just parents. I myself am trying to navigate myself out of or away from a "failed launch" and I think this book helps for that purpose.
I work with middle schoolers and a lack of motivation is definitely seen in many of my boys. For some, it's a phase as they leave the sand box and discover girls. For other, large portions of our boys, they get into an apathetic rut and continue through high school and for a long time thereafter; possibly for the rest of their lives. They simply find new ways to live their lives as slugs. Why? I've had my theories but after reading Boys Adrift, I have research-based answers that are difficult to argue with.Sax writes in an easy to understand way that does not seem to come from his own political or religious views. Instead, he quotes from his solid research and that of others. Sax does not come across as accusatory to parents but writes out of a sincere concern for the welfare of our boys and those adults who want the best for them. This is reflective of his desire for people to know the truth.I believe Sax has many of the answers that parents and schools are looking for when they ask of a talented young man, "why won't you do anything?" Sax analyzes five cultural factors that he believes keeps our boys from excelling, and in a larger sense, weaken our society.The five factors are education, video games, ADHD meds, endocrine disruptors, and our culture's views of manhood and of becoming a man. For education, I don't believe his advice would bode well with any school system that is stuck in their same old ways. However, individual schools and parents could benefit from his view that how we educate our boys can actually make them hate school. From his home in Philadelphia, I am sure there are plenty of private schools that could implement his thinking tomorrow. However, based on my experience, the threat of nuclear war wouldn't make some people change their view of how students should be taught.For video games, he is quick to say that boys shouldn't play them at all. However, he keeps a balanced view characteristic of the rest of the book and states that in moderation, they are OK. He gives clear reasons why they are bad for our boys and as a former game-head, I'm a believer. Games tend to take the place of other more fulfilling endeavors that can more positively shape the minds of our young men.I have shared his view of ADHD meds for a long time. Here he lays out the ways they work, the ways they don't work, and the risk factors involved. He leaves it up to the parent to decide whether or not they want their child on meds. Sax gives anecdotal evidence but also scientific evidence by quoting the DSM-IV's criteria for ADHD and various studies. You can tell that he shares in the struggles of parents who want what's best for their child in a world they may not totally fit in to.The fourth factor Sax believes is contributing to underperforming boys is, "endocrine blockers." Basically, these are chemicals found in plastics that have been shown to accelerate puberty in girls while at the same time feminizing boys. I was very skeptical of this chapter but convinced after he quoted a study done in Puerto Rico of very mature girls and of male alligators that produce eggs (both linked by plastics). My pediatrician also expressed his concerns when I asked him.I have written about the poor view of men and manhood for quite sometime, but Sax's analysis of cultures that help boys become men really opened my eyes. He said, "We twenty-first-century Americans smile condescendingly at such traditions. Our culture's neglect of the transition to manhood is not producing an overabundance of young men who are . . . hardworking." He's exactly right.In short, Dr. Sax believes that gender is important. He quotes his book, Why Gender Matters quite often and I look forward to reading that book and his others. He says that three decades of believing that boys and girls are the same except for their genitalia have not produced a paradise of gender equity where boys respect women. Instead, it has given us performers like Eminem . . . whose music degrades women. Well said.
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